I Wrote the Book

By Lisa R. Conner

A close friend told me around 2008 that I had a book in me.

He was right.

Honestly, life has shown me that I might have a few books in me now. Uh oh.

The truth is, I’ve been a closet author my entire life.

I wrote a little book about Alaska salmon spawning in fourth grade, complete with illustrations. I tried again at ten. I got an English degree. I led the National Council for Teachers of English chapter at Texas Tech. I co-authored a customer service manual for a telecommunications company. I wrote blog posts in 2011 and again in 2019. I wrote chapters in anthology books. I drafted a rough book years ago called The Courage to Be Me, then set it down because I was not ready yet.

But the writing never left.

It stayed in my head.
In my body.
In the parts of me that were always looking for meaning.

I have never been able to look at anything at face value. I’m always wondering what it really means. That’s a superpower of mine.

For a very long time, I carried a quiet belief that if I died without writing a book, some essential part of my life would go unfulfilled.

Then I wrote Casa Renae.

And I did not feel emptied by it.
I felt honored by it.

I felt like I had finally listened to my soul.
Like I had finally kept a promise to myself.
Like I had stopped circling the truth and finally walked straight into it.

Now I know there is more.

So much more.

The floodgates are open.

I cannot stop writing.
I do not know if the well will ever run dry.
I’m okay if it doesn’t.

Because writing feels like the most honest way back to the center of me.

And if I’m being really honest, I think part of this is me finally flipping the middle finger at every force that tried to silence me.

I have spent much of my life feeling pent up.

Shooshed.
Hushed.
Pushed away.
Silenced.
Stifled.
Punished.
Gaslighted into believing that what I had to say did not matter.

It matters.

I matter.
You matter.

I hid for good reason.
I was right to do that.
But I am safe to do it differently now.

So I do not want to write from behind the mask anymore.

I want to write from the squishy, honest center of me.
Not the polished outside.
The real middle.
The place where your humanity touches mine.
Because you is me, and me is we.

That is what Fireweed & Flannel is for.

Not an edited version.
Not a safer version.
Not a version of me that is easier to digest.

Just honest.

I wrote the book.
Now I feel safe to speak freely.

Living in curiosity,
Lisa

Lisa R. Conner is a writer, coach, REALTOR, and entrepreneur based in Alaska. She is the author of Casa Renae: Outgrowing Your Story & Coming Home to Yourself and writes Fireweed & Flannel as a place for honest reflections on reinvention, courage, identity, grief, real estate, and the wild beauty of becoming.

You can submit a preorder for Casa Renae here: Casa Renae Preorder